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mitch fortich

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(no subject) [Jul. 29th, 2016|01:24 pm]
Mitch Fortich
Dear John,

I know the length of time we’ve waited for us to be ‘us’
took almost forever, or maybe there was merely no chance at all.

I tried, over and over again I tried to learn to love. I blame myself for wandering for so long on what could be, and now my thoughts wander on what might have been. I liked you, I did. The little things we do and the texts in the morning saying "good morning!”. All was good.

No one has ever given me the attention I needed the most. I know you were there all along. But when conversations start to linger on what drags us down all the time, your work in your office, your officemates and all else, I cannot sustain. I guess I really am not the shock absorber kind of person, at least not almost everyday. There are times I am hyped up with positivity and one single joke I throw at you, you flip everything down. My life after all is not perfect, it has the most flaws than most people have. I have been wanting to escape the negativity I have with my life and I thought I found it in you but came a time I cringe more often than I do laugh and smile.

I have never opened myself to anyone yet, and not on most people I know. It’s about what I have with my family and how my family is. It is beyond anyone’s boundary to cross the line I have drawn regarding my life with my family. It is ever the most sensitive part of anyone’s life and no one has the credit to judge one’s own.

I sincerely thought we could be together. That feeling I get when I see you, it brightens up my day at times and I wish it was more often than just texts. But IT IS NOT your fault, more of mine. I was busy with all the stuff I needed with college to reviewing and eventually passing the board examinations. You were part of those successes.

When I told you I wanted to be ‘straight’, that was somehow true. It was half-meant. But really the reason was I don’t want to push through anymore. It took me so long because I have always hoped things could get better when we're down. That we could hurdle our way through. That Grindr thing? That Tinder thing? I am going to tell you for the last time I have never seen and met anyone there while we were talking. I cannot blame you for thinking things that are not appropriate. You have the credit for doing so, but I was deeply honest about what I said "it was all just hi hellos".

For the record, I wasn't seeing anybody else when we were talking. Apparently no one ever did, and it is wrong for you to say that someone is 'talking' to me at this moment that is why this is happening. I never replaced anyone else for someone better or someone who I think is better. Remember Angelo? I have told him over and over again that it wasn't going to work for the both of us and only then you came into my life. He knows that.

I’m sorry for everything that has caused you sadness and pain. You are one of the best people I have come to know in my life. I was proud you wanted to outweigh the people who came into my life and do better.

At some point, I wish there were more happy thoughts than sad ones when we were together. I wish you never judged the kind of family that I have. I wish you never told me why the people who came into my life left me because of me. I wish you never told me you know better because you are far more achieved and educated in life than I do and that you are working and I was just a student trying to battle his way out of college.

I wish you never judged the whole of me, because I never judged you.
I was more proud of what you have achieved in life with the people around me than tell them of what you are not.

I will always have you in my prayers, thank Him for you coming into my life and teach me a lesson.

You are going to be okay. I am going to be okay.
We are going to be okay.
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(no subject) [Aug. 15th, 2015|02:36 am]
Mitch Fortich

"My Dying Faith"
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(no subject) [Jan. 31st, 2015|03:13 am]
Mitch Fortich
Screen Shot 2014-03-09 at 11.11.52 PM

This picture was a screenshot way back in March 9, 2014 during one of our skype moments. I was telling you to put back your shorts on and you literally wrapped them up around your head like a scarf. It was in this time I disheartened you about placing your priorities, doing your schoolworks first, before anything else. And that I pushed you to doing what you say than just saying without doing anything. I miss this. I miss you. It has been 6 months. And still my feelings stay the same.
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(no subject) [Jan. 31st, 2015|03:06 am]
Mitch Fortich
(A post retrieved from drafts
written sometime in November?)

Giving up?

It has been 2 months or so when someone gave up on me, again. But when does giving up totally subside? When is it over?

I am no doubt too hard to handle. My mood swings a lot. I nag at almost everything. My family background is not as good as everyone else. I am lazy, boring and have no sense of choosing what food to eat in a mall. I cling a lot. I ask so many things over and over again. I don't even know how to plan a getaway. Swim alone, get lost at places I have never been. Sit down at a cafe confidently.

Some few weeks ago, my ex called me up saying how sorry he was about our failed relationship and everything stupid he has done that ruined it. It was unlikely that I was busy doing paperworks for school and he'd come calling and say "I'm sorry for everything" and that he found 'a keeper' like I was as he'd utter.   That those feelings he felt when we first dated back in 2011 suddenly came coming back to his 'new guy'. I mean he has dated a lot and it's the first time he said he felt those feelings again. "Everything I wanted in a relationship Mitch, it's in you".

A few days ago, my crush from another medical school in the same field came calling over facebook for some reason I do not know why. We weren't in touch for weeks and he'd call all the sudden. He was to borrow polos from me. Right. And so I did just so I could see him. And right after that night everything was back to how it used to be, cold.
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(no subject) [Sep. 2nd, 2014|07:36 pm]
Mitch Fortich
I hope one day when you're ready for commitments, you'd think of me. I miss you everyday, okay?
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(no subject) [Sep. 2nd, 2014|07:34 pm]
Mitch Fortich
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(no subject) [Aug. 21st, 2014|05:07 pm]
Mitch Fortich
"I placed my letter here."
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(no subject) [Aug. 18th, 2014|10:35 pm]
Mitch Fortich
Pouring Love,
Over A Blank Piece of Paper.

I am truly amazed by people who never stop at anything, finding something they don't even have an idea if it is what they are searching for. People who struggle to find despite the inevitable. People who, everyday, move forward and at one point and day, meet someone who would spark an importance in their existence. That they have a more meaningful purpose to live by.

It has been almost 3 years since I first had a share of a relationship. And 2 years since he had broken up with me over a painful conversation on the telephone. In that span of 2 years I have dated 7 other guys. 7 other guys who never made an impact. 7 other guys who did not bother to say "I don't like you, leave me alone okay?". But apparently they just disappeared on thin air the next day. 7 other guys who left without a word or two. No explaining why, no valid reason.

And then one day, I met one guy who caught my attention. A guy who I never thought would make me feel what it's like to be happy again somehow. I would look into his eyes as we talk, listen to every word he says, remember details he utter. Right then and there I have stopped entertaining other guys, giving him 99% of my attention.

I wanted to see him everyday, hear his voice or maybe know how his day went at school or how he treated his patients at the Rehabilitation Sciences department. I think about him day and night, everyday.

One thing I have observed of me was I was in content with this guy. Truly, faithfully and loyally contented. And I am teary-eyed now I as pass by there letters and words I write. I might have taken my hands off of yours when you try to hold my hand in public, but right now it is what I needed. I might not have replied "I miss you too" that much when you do, but truth is, I always do, always am.

My friends told me I act like this maybe because my feelings are going deeper and deeper. My response was, I denied. Or maybe it was true. Maybe I was falsely denying the fact that I was having feelings for you. That I was scared to show. Scared to let you know. Because I am too scared of getting hurt. I did not know that I could be this kind of person again. I did not know I could ever give importance to someone after all the guys I have dated and after the pain I have endured from my first.

I was willing. But then I never knew he was not totally ready yet. And said that he wanted to feel free again, less commitments. Or not even close to a commitment. It happened over the telephone again. But he did not break up with me, because we weren't really officially together. He wanted to put space in between us.

I am amazed by people who never stop trying. Because I am the kind of person now already slowing down somewhere to a point of stopping, yet I can never blame anyone. No one.

I asked for 2 more years when I met you before I could commit fully, not because my mom told me so, but because I know when that time comes, I would be proud to say those 3 words for you, without holding anything back. I was denying myself of the truth all this time just to make sure of what I feel. But now I feel like it's too late to say of how I truly feel about you. I wish that you would be able to read this some day. Because I honestly feel like you wouldn't want to see me ever again. And I would not have the chance to do so.

Maybe the reason why I acted the way I acted towards you was because I wanted to be the best for you. After all the people who left me hanging, I thought that if I make myself the best version of myself, you will stay. But I was wrong, I made you feel like you are an 'epic fail' person, but you are not. You are great. So great that day and night I think about you, everyday.

It’s like all I ever wanted was to be with him and make him sleep on my shoulder as he hold my hand as we head over to MOA in the bus, or maybe watch him carefully as he test drive a brand new Ford Ecosport wondering how come I’d be somewhat lucky about this guy. Maybe even collect membership cards or help him decide which USB or headset or memory card is best to buy. When I met this guy, I have never sought to look if he is handsome, white, or tall or rich. Well I find him so charming he makes me smile at times when I look at him. When he touches me or greets me with a hug after a month or two after I came home from Abu Dhabi, is enough. Always enough. And in content.

Audi, I might not have the chance to say this to you personally, but my blog is as close to who I really am. Maybe because I already have fallen in love with you and denied the truth because I was too scared of getting hurt. I guess I have fallen for you slowly and that I Love You... for who you are, and what you have shown me. You are a great person, really great.

I hope one day you'd be ready, as much as I am too. If I still choose to move forward or stop at any point along the way to close my doors to everyone. I have told myself that you would be the last person I would ever date after the 7 other guys. But my door is always open for you, right at any time you are ready to come knocking on my door again.

If that would ever happen again some day.

August 18, 2014
Love Always,
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